Patience is a virtue... and I don't have it.

 I wrote this blog post a few days ago but haven’t been able to post it because the blogger service was down. Reading it now it seems somewhat ironic, as the past two days have been really good days by comparison. I suppose this is the way life is going to go in Kenya. We finally got our phones fixed, our light working, and I even found diet coke! Also, we’re headed to Nairobi National Park today to see some animals, so I’m pretty satisfied at the moment.

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Self realization number 1 this summer: I have ZERO patience. In the battle between myself and Kenya, she is the victor thus far; everything about this place is a challenge to me. I never really considered myself to be one of those overly stressed American’s but the past four days have proven to me how tightly wound I am, especially compared to Kenyan’s. I knew this summer was going to be an eye opening experience in terms of the work I’ll be doing and the things I’d be seeing on a daily basis, but I don’t think I ever realized how much living here for three months is going to affect the very core of my personality.

Take yesterday for instance. I think Wednesday May 11, 2011 will officially go down as one of the longest, most frustrating days in my adult life. After going to bed around 11:00 pm the night before, I woke up at 5:00 am yesterday and could not go back to sleep for the life of me. Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE sleep, so being unable to doze off again was incredibly frustrating. With no light in our room, my options at 5 am were rather limited, so I literally just sat in bed and stared at the ceiling for 2 hours. Eventually we all got up and ready, as the predetermined plan for yesterday was to go to Lydia’s house to work in the greenhouse. Lydia, her husband Salacious, and Eric have built a greenhouse on Lydia’s property which they are using to grow tomatoes. The tomatoes are being sold to help raise money for Lisha Mtoto, and are also taken to Kibera weekly for the kids to eat. The plan this summer is to spend at least two days a week at the greenhouse, as it is going to be an integral part of Lisha Mtoto’s financial resources and because Lydia could use all the help she can get with the physical labor required to run such an initiative.

Anyway, as we were getting ready to leave for Lydia’s yesterday morning it started to downpour. Because the streets here are almost all made out of dirt, rain means MUD, and lots of it. Our tennis shoes from the day before had been washed and were too wet to wear, so Jamee and I had no choice but to wear sandals for the day’s travels, which proved to be incredibly frustrating as we slipped and struggled the entire way to the bus stop. The matatu ride to Lydia’s was about 30 minutes long, and though it was slightly more comfortable than those the day before, it was still terrifying. There are no real traffic laws here. Like Calcutta, the roads are pretty much a free for all. For instance, people will drive on the proper side of the road for a bit, but if there are no cars oncoming they will just use the entire road for themselves. This results in a lot of swerving back and forth to get out of the way when oncoming traffic comes into site again. Also – the money collector on the matutu often just hangs out of the open door while it’s moving and really has no qualms about putting far too many people in the vehicle despite the fact that we’re already smushed like sardines. Overall, it’s just a terrifying experience. It was hard to even enjoy the somewhat more scenic drive to the greenhouse because from my window seat I was constantly watching as we nearly got smashed to pieces by other cars. I don’t understand how there are not thousands of traffic accidents a day here.

Once we got off the matutu, we had about a 2 mile walk to get to Lydia’s house. Luckily, she lives in a very quiet, peaceful area, so the walk was really enjoyable and we got to see a lot more greenery than we do here in Umoja. Lydia’s house is really lovely. She and her husband built it themselves three years ago, and even though its only really four rooms, she has nicely furnished and decorated it and it felt very cozy. The greenhouse is also an incredibly impressive structure. I can’t believe they built it themselves. They also have a really impressive irrigation system inside of it and the tomatoes seem to be growing at a rapid rate. Lydia told us that the hope is to build another green house to be used for other vegetables. We spent most of the day helping her weed the area around the green house, and then just chatted, ate, and played with her sons when they got home from school. Eric had left Jamee and I there for the day, as he had to get the other room ready for Erin and Matt’s arrival today. He vowed to us that he would be back to collect us at 5 pm. By 3 pm, Jamee and I were exhausted. I’m not sure if it was the jet lag finally catching up with us, or whether it was the physical labor (which, lets be serious, is not my forte), but either way we could barely keep our eyes open and were definitely ready to get back to the apartment and get some sleep. Well, as Emily had warned us, time means very little to African’s. Though Eric said he would be back at 5 to get us and take us home, he didn’t end up getting there until 7:30, at which point it was dark and we were beyond exhausted. I really did enjoy myself during the day and cannot even begin to explain the kindness and generosity that Lydia shows us when we are around, but I’ll be honest in saying that the easy going nature of everyone around here can be very frustrating when you’re exhausted and just want to go home. That said, I was feeling a little annoyed and stressed by the time we left Lydia’s house, as it was hours later than expected.

Also, I was a little concerned about it being dark out, as I’ve heard that the matutus aren’t very safe at night, but we had no choice in terms of getting home. When we finally got on a matatu, after waiting for some time, it was incredibly crowded – Jamee had to sit on my lap and we were both situated directly next to the sliding door that often stays OPEN, so please imagine my terror as we took off flying down the road. Less than a mile into our return trip however, we come to a dead stop. The traffic looked like something you’d see on the parkway when there is a 9 car pile up. I asked Eric what was going on and he said it was a traffic jam. YES, a literal traffic JAM. No accident, no police cars… traffic was literally JAMMED because people do not drive where they are supposed to. Our matutu driver attempted to be clever and take a back route but we ended up sitting at a dead stop in the middle of dozens of cars who were just all facing each other and not moving. I’ve never seen anything like it. I wish I had had my camera. Though its amusing now, at the time I wanted to scream. Here we are, two little mzungu’s sitting right at the open door of the matutu while hundreds of people just walk around staring at the cars that are stuck in this jam. It was the first time I felt unsafe since we arrived, although maybe I shouldn’t have because in reality nothing happened. After about 45 minutes some of the cars had managed to back up or move so that traffic could start to flow again, but by that point I had honestly lost all patience with everything. All I wanted to do was get home, call Frank as I had told him I would, and go to bed.

We finally made it back to the apartment around 9:30 and I was incredibly relieved and ready to call it a night, but apparently Kenya was not done with me. As I went to skype Frank, I realized that the modem I had bought yesterday was gone. I’m not one to lose things, but I have searched every inch of this place (which is not a lot of inches) and I cannot find it anywhere. Add to that the fact that I was looking in the dark because we have no electricity, and the fact that my cell phone still doesn’t work so there was no way to even call Frank from my phone.  I have no idea if the modem was stolen or just misplaced, and to be honest I’m not that concerned about it now, but in the heat of the moment last night this was enough to just set me over the edge and the tears just started flowing. Eric was really concerned about helping me find my modem, but I decided the best thing for me at that moment was to just go to bed (wise advice I’ve received from my mother when I’ve been overwhelmed in the past). It only took a few minutes to cry myself to sleep. I think my tears were tears of frustration at the entire day and also tears of anger that I allowed any of this to upset me so much. Eric and his family have showed me nothing but kindness since the moment I have gotten here, and I was extremely mad at myself for feeling annoyed and angry with how the day had gone. I think my tears were also just tears of fear… realizing that this is going to be a very long summer, that it’s not going to be fun, and that I’m going to face challenges like this every single day I am here is incredibly overwhelming.

I woke up this morning feeling well rested, but also feeling foolish and selfish for allowing myself to get so frustrated yesterday. All I can say is that I am human, and everything I am experiencing here is new to me. I think its going to take some time for me to accept this relaxed way of life that Kenyan’s live, and to stop worrying about whether or not someone is on time or whether or not everything goes as planned. Clearly, not everything is going to go as planned here, and it will be a challenge for me to let go of some of my OCD tendencies and just go with the flow – this is something I am just not used to doing. Anyway, I am feeling much better as I write this today and am prepared to just take each day as it comes. I feel very blessed to have Eric and his family around. I am amazed by their ability to find the positive in everything and to be so generous and kind to virtual strangers. I clearly have a lot to learn from them, and that is one challenge that I gladly accept.